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So its the morning after Valentines Day and right now you're either Mr Johnny Big Bollocks or Cyril McShite of the McShitervon clan depending on how well or badly yesterday went. Unless of course, like me you have seen the light.
You've done away with society's pathological need for level-headed, well mannered bright young men to, once they've worked hard, achieved a modicum of academic success and some degree of financial security [sic: at least your not on the dole], to then null and void any fleeting prayer of happiness by instantly strapping a plodding cob-gormless dizzy baby-rabid hormonal late 20's.. - early 30s lets be honest, so called "girl"-"friend" to their leg and let her merrily strum the theme from deliverance, for the rest of his days, on his cock's banjo string.
In which case, you may not have woken up to anything much like the scene depicted to the left:
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Happily, you will at least be able to sit there merrily scratching your gonads & sniffing your fingers whilst browsing reams (soon to be i-reams) of Internet porn. And remember, she might look like your kind of lady in those fishnet tights, but once she puts that cup down she's gonna be going ape about the empties on the coffee table and the dogshit your mate Dave walked all over the living room carpet when a few of the lads came over after the pub on Saturday.
- Brew? Fancy a brew? I know I do.
- Fleshbot Exclusive: Image gallery from forthcoming porn feature Tristan Taormino's Chemistry 2
- Marisa Miller's body-paint is a pop-art masterpiece. Seriously! Cameron Diaz is trying to be fit, innit. Kim Kardashian never looked so good, no I mean she never really looked so good. Snap! Ali Landry & Victoria Beckham loose their heads in weird tit cropping frenzy.
- In the minor celebrity - major hottie league Kelly Brook is winning by a erm heaving rack? Eva Herzigova performs unheard of miracles by being both hot & pregnant at the same time. Back to the Brits and does that outfit look good? Of corset does! Bianca Gascoigne, & posh skinny but not anorexic honest totty, Kiera Knightley, looking all sophisticated and like she has a trowel full of coke shoved up her arse. Tart!
- I think stress related illnesses could all become a thing of the past if not just men but all people were given a big pair of slippery wet boobs to fondle.
- If fireman aren't busy playing darts or a very complicated card game which involves adding all the way up to 21 then they are looking at porn or playing pool. So I guess that one's for them. That made sense.
- All of our snow melted here, much like my faith in human nature, but Valia's didn't, she's still naked & gorgeous in the snow & probably less cynical than me too. God that looks cold. Why is she smiling? Sometimes you wonder what the subtext in these porn galleries is supposed to be, what was the photographer thinking? In this one the message is clear: hug a wall man-made, scary, ozone layer holes and death to all polar bears... hug a tree, look erm, oh. Well look ghostly and ...Ohhh my god you have a massive freak man hand! A little harsh. Um, maybes the message got lost in there. Where was I? Oh yes, I was saying... she's fit!
- Random Cayos Goodness.
- Bonus: Brigitte Bardot strumming a banjo.
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